How to Start Choosing Yourself and Achieving Your Dream Life
Are you chasing others’ dreams over your own, completely forgetting about yourself? As someone who loves to help and care about other people, it can feel natural to put others first. However, if you want to achieve your dream life, you need to start choosing yourself more.
In this blog post, I’ll share the key insights I’ve learned and am still practicing to help you overcome people-pleasing and the fear of being selfish.
Why? So that you can start choosing yourself more and going after the life you want (and deserve!).
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The truth is that I didn’t know I needed to choose myself until I knew.
It felt so natural to do just the opposite…
I just wanted to make sure everyone else was okay; but, in the process, I had many of my own dreams and needs unmet. This left me feeling sad, sometimes lost and depleted.
I didn’t know things had to change until some people I knew started telling me it was time to start choosing myself.
At first, it felt really hard. I had to overcome the fear of thinking I was selfish and other uncomfortable emotions.
But I also realized that if I didn’t choose myself, who would?
Lastly, I realized how important it was to fill my cup up first so that I could be a happier and more fulfilled version of myself, not only for me but also for the people around me.
What is The Cost of Not Choosing Yourself?
Unfulfilled Dreams and Potential
The moment you realize you’ve been prioritizing everyone’s dreams over your own can feel crumbling.
Well, in my case that’s how it felt. Like the tower I had built was crumbling. It was time to start building a solid foundation.
From this overflow, where I felt happier and fulfilled, I got to give, support, and nourish others more sustainably.
Thus, choosing yourself can include creating a solid foundation in your life where you are prioritizing building your dream life, achieving your goals, filling up your cup, and honoring your needs.
Emotional Toll
Not choosing yourself can sometimes cost you an emotional toll.
For example, when you get into a habit of consistently not meeting your need for rest when you really need it, it can lead to burnout.
Sometimes you may say ‘yes’ when you really mean ‘no’ because of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out).
Choosing yourself is a completely valid reason to say no.
Your mental, emotional, and physical health and well-being are important.
Regrets and What-Ifs
“What if I dared to live a life that’s true to me?”
Sometimes, the cost of not choosing yourself and your dream life is living a life full of regrets.
Have you always wanted to start your own business but decided to settle down, choosing to live the life that others expected of you?
Whatever your dream may be, – whether that’s having your own business or traveling the world -, not choosing the life that’s true to you can cost you lots of regrets.
What if you gave the life you’ve always dreamed of a chance?
What if you dared to make it happen?
Choosing yourself is not always going to please everyone.
But, the ones that support, accept, and love you, will understand. At the end of the day, they just want to see you happy.
Can You Balance Choosing Yourself While Being There for Others?
Yes!
But also be aware that you are not always going to make everyone in your life pleased when you choose what’s best for you.
The key is to learn and create a balance in your life where you are prioritizing yourself and your dreams while also living in alignment with your values and being there for others.
PS. Grab your FREE “Set Your Values Workbook” to discover what your core values are!
Plus, communicate! Learning to improve your communication with the people in your life is such a beneficial resource to create more harmony and balance.
After all, they say “Put on your oxygen mask first”. Then, you can focus on being there for others.
Overall, I’ve learned that you can choose yourself and communicate your needs, truth, and desires to others in a friendly, kind, considerate, and respectful way.
Signs That You Need to Start Choosing Yourself
Constant People-pleasing
Are you constantly worried about what other people will think if you choose yourself?
Choosing yourself starts with the little things – like what you wear, what you want to eat, and what type of workout class you would like to choose.
Then comes the bigger stuff – like choosing where you want to live, the friends you choose to surround yourself with, and the type of career you choose.
Choosing yourself is not always easy. You may have to face some fears. You may doubt yourself at times. Additionally, you may feel some uncomfortable emotions.
But, it does get easier over time.
Keeping everyone pleased all the time is a big responsibility to carry.
When my focus was always, consistently on making sure everyone else was happy and okay, there was a part of me that felt lost and depleted in the process.
So, when I started to choose myself more and focus on meeting my needs, and desires and creating & living my dream life, I was able to give from a more sustainable, happy, and fulfilled cup.
Thus, if you are feeling lost in the process of constant people-pleasing, this may be a sign that it’s time to start choosing yourself more.
Feeling Resentful, Frustrated & Anxious
Choosing what’s best for you will not always make others happy.
Do you feel guilty for choosing what’s true to you?
Do you want to say ‘no’ to something, but you say ‘yes’ instead?
Life is meant to be enjoyed!
Thus, feeling resentful, frustrated, and anxious consistently in many areas of your life can be a sign that it’s time to start choosing yourself more.
Lack of Work-Life-Social Balance
Do you feel overwhelmed with the amount of work you have to do and all the social invitations you are saying ‘yes’ to?
Overworking yourself to the point of burnout and exhaustion can be a sign that it’s time to start choosing yourself more.
Are you struggling to find time for self-care and solitude due to overfilling and overcommitting your schedule with work or social activities?
When you feel that you are lacking a work-life-social balance, one key is to first take a pause.
Pause to reflect and redefine your priorities.
What do you need right now?
Then, make adjustments in your schedule accordingly so that you can fit in what you need along with your other responsibilities.
Your health is one of your most important assets. Know and honor your capacity.
Ignoring Your Passions and Dreams
Are your dreams and aspirations on the back burner of your mind?
Do you regularly fantasize about your dream life but you’re not proactively taking steps to make it a reality?
Choosing yourself takes courage.
Avoiding your true passions, dreams, and desires even though you do really want them to come true can be a sign that it’s time to start choosing yourself more.
Will I Lose People If I Choose Myself?
Yes, you can lose people when you start choosing yourself more…
Does this mean you’re a bad person? Absolutely not!
Will you lose everyone when you start choosing yourself? No.
In my experience, I’ve found that the ones that matter stay.
Surround yourself with people who truly support you and are genuinely happy about your achievements.
When you start choosing yourself and taking steps towards creating and living your dream life, remember that other people’s insecurities are not yours to take on.
How to Start Choosing Yourself
Identify Your Values and Priorities
What truly matters to you?
A great way to start choosing yourself more is by identifying what you truly value in life and what makes you feel more happy and fulfilled.
Once you identify and become clear on these things, you can start making more choices that are in alignment with them.
Develop Your Self-belief, Self-trust and Self-worth
It can feel easier to start choosing yourself more when you have more self-trust, you believe in yourself, and remind yourself that you are inherently worthy.
Self-trust, self-belief, and self-worth are developed and can be built.
It is a continuous process of leaning in, practicing, and learning.
One way that you can develop your self-trust is to set realistic goals.
Start small, and be realistic.
I’m totally an advocate for big thinking and big-picture goals; however, don’t forget all the mini-milestones it takes to get to your ultimate goal.
This practice can help you build your self-trust and confidence rather than putting unrealistic expectations and time frames on yourself and your goals.
Celebrate your strengths, accomplishments, and how far you have already come along the way.
Set Boundaries and Prioritize Self-care
Boundaries and prioritizing your self-care are amazing ways to start choosing yourself more.
Where do you begin with setting boundaries? Look at where you are saying ‘yes’ when you really would like to say ‘no’.
Where are you not prioritizing your health and well-being?
Boundaries can help you create a life where your dreams, needs, and wants are honored and respected while honoring and respecting other people too.
Your boundaries can show others what is acceptable and okay for you, and what is not.
Boundaries are important, although it doesn’t always feel comfortable when you are first starting to develop, set, and maintain them.
Get Clear on Your Priorities and Focus on Them
Starting to choose yourself more can require you to be more clear on your priorities, values, and big-picture vision for your life.
When you are more clear on your priorities and what truly matters, it can become easier for you to say no to what is not in alignment and a no for you.
“People think focus means saying yes to the thing you’ve got to focus on. But that’s not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are.”
– Steve Jobs
Choose and Honor Your Peace
“You are not obliged to do anything or be anyone that you are no longer in resonance or alignment with.”
You can find this reminder in my Free Daily Self Empowerment Reminders eBook.
Your peace is important. One way that you can start choosing yourself more is by choosing and honoring your peace.
Create Your New Identity
‘Your habits shape your identity and your identity shapes your habits’.
– From the Atomic Habits book by James Clear.
Believing that you are a worthy person, who chooses herself and her dream life, can help you to start choosing the daily actions that are in alignment with this belief.
You can start choosing yourself more by taking inspired, aligned action to achieve your dream life and passions.
A little bit of progress each day is better than nothing.
Additionally, having a growth-orientated mindset can be a key tool to have so that when your fears, challenges, obstacles, and setbacks do arise, you can step through them with more grace and awareness.
Overall, embrace that choosing yourself, learning and self-development is a lifelong journey.
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Choosing yourself is not perfect and it does sometimes feel messy. And that is okay.
I know that choosing myself is important as it helps me show up and do great things in this world and for the people around me far more sustainably. Why is choosing yourself important to you and what does this mean to you?
I hope that this post has inspired you to start choosing yourself and your dream life in some way, your way. 💚
As always, please take what resonates and leave the rest.
Q: “What fears do you have surrounding choosing yourself first?” – Let me know in the comment section below! I’d love to hear your thoughts 🙂
Meet the Author: Lana
Lana is the founder of Living Her Way. She’s passionate about all things Travel and Self-Empowerment. Lana’s mission is to inspire you to live a more happy and fulfilling life your way each day.
Choosing yourself is so important! Being a people pleaser, it’s not always easy because I genuinely love choosing other people and making them happy. But I have to choose myself a lot of the time too! Thanks for sharing. 🖤
Take this as your sign to choose yourself! 🙂
Developing self-worth and trust in yourself is crucial for choosing yourself. You need to build from the ground up 🙂 Great post!
Thank you so much, Deanna! Glad it resonates with you 🙂
Grateful to have been able to write and share this post with the Purposeful Dreamers community. ☺️ Here’s to making our dreams happen!
Let’s make our dreams come true! 🙂
Awesome tips! I love the fact that you talked extensively about what happens when you don’t choose yourself first and achieve your dreams. Great read!
Thanks for reading! 🙂
Love this article. I think it’s so important to acknowledge that this process will be messy, but it’s so worth it. Thanks for sharing!
Glad you liked it! 🙂
Great post! Loved all the tips you mentioned.
Thanks! I’m glad you liked it 🙂
Such a good message that everyone should hear
I’m happy it resonates 🙂
I really appreciated this article for its direct and motivational message. As someone who often prioritizes others, it’s a helpful reminder that it’s okay to focus on my own dreams and well-being. The insights on overcoming people-pleasing and the fear of appearing selfish are particularly resonant. It’s empowering to be encouraged to choose myself more and pursue the life I truly want. This piece serves as a valuable nudge to start making decisions that align with my personal aspirations.
Glad to hear the article resonates with you! 🙂
Beautifully written. Needed to hear this.
Glad you liked it 🙂
Recognizing the emotional toll of not choosing yourself is crucial. It can lead to unfulfilled dreams, burnout, and regrets. However, by prioritizing your own well-being and pursuing your passions, you not only enrich your own life but also become better equipped to support and nourish others.
Well said!