How to Learn to Love Yourself More (When You Feel Worthless)

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The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. In life, everything changes (sooner or later). The only constant? You! That’s why learning how to love yourself is one of the best investments you could ever make.

Sure, it’s easy in words; it’s quite difficult to practice in everyday life, as you make mistakes, miss out on opportunities, and screw up a couple of times.

So, the question is: “How can you practice self-love?”, no matter what?

Well, I’m glad you asked because, in this blog post, you’ll find out the 9 ways to show yourself some more love – even and especially if you now feel like you don’t deserve any…

So, are you ready to finally start loving yourself? Then, let’s get started!

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Why Do You Struggle to Love Yourself?

While it’s common to struggle with self-love, that doesn’t mean it’s also normal. If you have a hard time loving yourself, some of the most common reasons are:

• Your belief that self-love means being selfish
• You grew up in a rigid household, where feelings were rarely expressed
• You’re basing your self-worth on what you do, rather than who you are
• Your belief that you need to be perfect first, and only then you can love yourself
• You’re seeking self-love from external sources of validation
• You tend to compare yourself to others too much

It’s not an easy journey, the one to unconditional self-love – but it’s one that’s worth it.

What is Self-Love?

What does it mean exactly to experience unconditional self-love?

Self-love means accepting and embracing who you are, as of right now, without wishing to be any different.

It means looking in the mirror, recognizing all of your flaws and weaknesses, but also grasping the beauty of them – after all, it’s what makes you unique!

It’s not wishing to be someone else because you’re truly, 100% satisfied and happy with who you are, right here and right now.

Isn’t there anything more beautiful than that?

Why is Important to Love Yourself?

Self-love is the key ingredient to living a more intentional and fulfilling life!

Once you learn how to love yourself, you set clear guidelines about what you’re willing to accept – or not – from others.

You can easily remove yourself from situations, places, and events that don’t make you feel good and at ease. And you’re also more likely to cut off any toxic relationship that you realize doesn’t serve you at all.

There are so many benefits that come from loving yourself. To name only a few:

• Higher self-esteem
• Healthier and more fulfilling relationships
• Higher happiness in life
• Better mental health
• Stronger determination
• Increased self-awareness

RELATED: If you’re struggling with self-awareness, grab below the FREE “30-Day Journaling Prompts for Self-Discovery” and start your journey towards discovering who you really are!

9 Ways to Love Yourself More

The path to self-love is not an easy or a fast one. But I promise, committing to choosing to love yourself no matter what is one thing that you’ll never regret doing.

So, here are the 9 best ways to love yourself more:

IDENTIFY YOUR STRENGTHS

If you’re struggling with self-love, most likely you’re used to focusing on your flaws, mistakes, and failed expectations.

The first step towards loving yourself more consists in letting go of all that. Why? Because you want to focus your energy on all the achievements, strengths, and qualities you have instead. You want to shift your focus on what you already have within you, rather than what you lack.

No more being your worst enemy! It’s time for you to see how amazing you are! The best part? You’ve been collecting proof of your uniqueness all along – you probably just never stopped long enough to admire how far you’ve come in life.

So, here are some questions that can help you get started in the process of identifying your strengths:

• What’s one accomplishment you’re proud of (that happened in the last year)?
• What do people ask your help for?
• When do you feel your best?
• What’s something that comes easier for you than for others?
• What do you like about yourself?

Grab a pen and paper, and start writing!

POSITIVE SELF-TALK 

“What you think, you become”

– Buddha

Every day you live with a silent (or not-so-silent) voice in your head that dictates what you do and believe in.

It’s a double-edged sword, as that little voice can either be your biggest supporter or your worst enemy…

Sadly, for most of us, it’s the latter: we’re our worst critics!

But, only because something has been one way until today, that doesn’t mean it has to stay the same forever. 

You have power over that little voice. That voice is…you.

To love yourself means to speak to yourself with kind words. It means being compassionate and understanding.

You wouldn’t blame a loved one for the rest of their life for a minor mistake, right? So why would you do that to yourself, instead?

It’s time for you to reframe the way you think of yourself and the words you use. It’s time to shift from negative thinking to positive and supportive self-talk. But, how can you do that? Here are some tips:

• Develop positive mantras and affirmations to repeat daily
• Lean towards adopting a growth and more positive mindset
• Talk to yourself like you’d talk to someone you love
• Identify and challenge your limiting beliefs
• Surround yourself with positive, happy people

REGULAR SELF-CARE

Self-care goes beyond taking bubble baths and getting your nails done. It’s not a quick-fix remedy you should opt for only once your energy level is at 0, either.

Real self-care means regularly prioritizing your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. 

Why? Because you’re more likely to be your best self when you feel your best! So, don’t wait until you hit your lowest point before you start taking care of yourself.

The good thing about self-care? There’s no right or wrong!

Taking care of yourself looks different for everyone. It might be:

• Going on long, daily walks
• Meditating daily
• Journaling your thoughts out
• Talking to your friends regularly
• Going on solo dates
• Traveling
• Having a skincare routine
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Honoring your physical energy

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STOP COMPARISON

“Comparison is the thief of joy”

-Theodor Roosevelt

One (not so) easy way to love yourself more is to stop comparing yourself to others.

In this highly technological world, where we tap into social media before even getting up to pee in the morning, it’s easy to look at others and see all they do, have, and are…and then there’s us: lazy human beings with a regular, boring life. 

Or at least, that’s how they want to make you feel based on what they want you to see.

It’s so easy to compare your life’s lowest points to someone else’s highlight reels – but that’s the catch: it’s not their whole life!

It’s just a moment in their life. That’s the moment they decided was good enough to post online. 

It’s easier said than done but, if there’s one way to show yourself some love, is by letting go of the comparison trap. 

Life is not a competition. It’s not a war. It’s not you against the whole world. 

REFRAME THE WAY YOU PERCEIVE MISTAKES

Mistakes are part of life. They are inevitable. But that’s also how you learn. Only by learning, you can evolve and improve.

If you’re likely to blame yourself for all the mistakes you’ve made in the past, you need to reframe the way you perceive those mistakes.

What did you learn from them? What lessons did they give you? How did going through that shape you into the person you are now?

The truth is that reality is what we make it. You could either look back at the past, wanting to cry over spilled milk. Or you could look at those past mistakes as life lessons that were meant to teach you something.

If it wasn’t for what happened to you, you wouldn’t be who you are today. See? Something good comes out even from the worst things in life.

LET GO OF WHAT AND WHO DOESN’T SERVE YOU

Another way to love yourself is to finally let go of whatever and whoever doesn’t serve you.

I know, it’s easier said than done – but it’s so worth it!

Everything in life is constantly changing – especially our identities and priorities. 

If something was serving you in the past, that doesn’t mean that it has to stay with you forever. The same goes for places and people.

And I promise: once you free your life from the negative energy of toxic people, you’ll feel much better!

The only way to let more love in is by making space and getting rid of what’s holding you back.

So, this is your sign to let go of what and who no longer serves you – it’s scary, but it’s time for it. 

BE KIND TO YOURSELF

How do you react when your best friend tells you that she screwed up? And, what do you do instead when you’re the one who made a mistake?

If you wouldn’t be so harsh with someone you love, why be so harsh on yourself? 

One of the fastest ways to love yourself more is to recognize how you treat yourself. 

If you’re constantly punishing, criticizing, and judging your every single move – no wonder why you struggle with self-love.

But, what are you gaining from being so hard on yourself? If that’s not working out in your life, why not try a different approach?

What if you were kinder to yourself? What if you started treating yourself like someone you love and care about?

So, how can you be nicer to yourself – in practice? Here are some ways:

• Get rid of your negative self-talk
• Adopt healthy habits that make you feel good
• Celebrate your accomplishments
• Surround yourself with supporting people
• Accept compliments
• Recognize your strengths and qualities
• Embrace your flaws and weaknesses

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DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY

Loving yourself will be hard if you’re unhappy with your life…

What does make you happy? And what does set your soul on fire? What do you truly enjoy doing?

Loving what you do is a form of giving more love to yourself.

Of course, there will always be responsibilities and obligations you’ll need to meet. But, as you always make an effort to fulfill others’ expectations, you must also make time for yourself and what makes you happy.

You don’t owe anyone any explanations. Happiness doesn’t need to be explained. And your happiness isn’t anyone else’s business.

So, if you’re having a hard time loving yourself, it might be a sign that you’re not filling your life with things that bring you happiness. 

What I want you to do – right now – is to grab a pen and paper and jot down 10 things that make you happy.

That could be:

• Painting
• Dancing
• Writing
• Ordering coffee
• Watching TV shows
• Doodling
• Knitting
• Going on walks
• Writing poems
• Taking pictures

Whatever it is, make sure you start doing more of that daily.

Love yourself enough that you invest more of your time doing what you love, rather than wasting it on activities that drain you.

GET CLEAR ON WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU WANT

How can you love yourself if you don’t know who you are? 

Getting clear on who you are as an individual and what you want out of life is a must in the path towards self-love.

Only once you fully embrace who you are, you won’t be bothered by others’ judgments and opinions. 

If you can stand strongly on your values, you won’t let others influence your lifestyle.

You’ll live life on your terms, not someone else’s expectations.

Living a life that’s authentic to you and that feels aligned with your truest self – that, to me, is a hell of a way to love yourself.   

RELATED: Grab below the FREE “Set Your Core Values Workbook” to make sure you’re living a life that feels good to you!

Conclusion

That’s all for me today!

I hope this post provided you with some tangible ways you can start loving yourself more, starting today – because you freaking deserve it!

Q: “What’s one action you’re going to take today to show yourself some self-love?” – Let me know in a comment!

Until next time,

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